Attachment to outcome

Resisting the capitalist urge for ‘results’

We’re probably familiar with a lot of these terms, things like ‘benchmarks’, ‘quotas’ and ‘key performance indicators’. These are the things we’re told to value, the things that matter and all our efforts should be directly aimed to make these things better.

I’m guilty of being brainwashed like this. Everything I’ve done was something to make my life ‘better’. And to be fair some of these were true, an education to a certain point is beneficial to life.

But in terms of my first career, every new degree/certification, every new reach had an ‘outcome’. Qualify for a higher role, make more money etc.

I will admit I can’t blame capitalism entirely. Parts of this definitely fed into my ego at one point.

This is why it was SO HARD to make the move to pause my first career, and then re-juggle all my life pieces so that I can do this one thing that feels rather random and impulsive. Horticulture and a trades program was the furthest from what I had known.

The hardest part was — there is no obvious outcome. I definitely wasn’t getting any prestige or promotions doing this. Hell, I was heading into a 60% pay cut of my own choosing in order to get this training in a field I had no confidence I was going to be good at or like as a job vs. an interest.

The important part though was that it was a disruption. It let me change something and pulled me out of this whirlpool of negativity surrounding my relationship with what I did for a living.

It propelled me into a state that I gave me permission to be in, without any caveats of money or success attached. I’m doing it because I want to and can make it work.

I’m doing it for my life. Going horticulture school was my way of bringing myself back from a lot of pain.

And though that is a very non-traditional outcome definition, it may be by far more important.

.

.

.

.

.

.

-S