Everything’s worth a try

The cyclic nature of the process

As it always does, the 8 month training program was finished just like that. It was an amazing experience and no matter what comes out of it, I don’t regret going for it.

That being said, school ended with a flurry of my classmates all interviewing left, right and centre, landing all kinds of positions and internships. Predictably, this stressed me out.

I still had no clue what I should do. I did interview in a few places but ended up choosing one that was the most flexible, given my situation of trying to balance two lives so to speak.

I admit it. I couldn’t let go of my first career for the steady income it afforded. It was too much to go all into horticulture because it paid drastically less and that was too unstable for me to sustain a living in an expensive city.

I gave it a shot for a small garden design and maintenance company and…. did not last so long.

I felt unstimulated and unsupported, with me being left on site alone with barely any proper equipment except what personal handtools I had. On top of this, the pay was even lower than industry standard.

So I quit.

Yeah. I know. Wtf right?

That’s what the mean voice in my voice asked too. Am I too ‘stuck up’ coming from another career? Is this too much to ask for? Would it better if I stuck it out?

I have no answers to those questions.

What I did decide to do from the get go was at least give myself the rest of the calendar year to do this. And I had started getting a few clients on my own before school ended. I’ve decided to give the ‘self-employed’ aspect of this a go.

It is hard to sit with the fact that it seems like every thing I reach for and try, I’m still not getting to what feels right. Hence the cyclic part of it.

Here’s to trying though.

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-S

Image credit: Pixabay - Lukas